Thoughts on Beer and Drinking


Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. 

That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

--Ernest Hemmingway



Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol 

than alcohol has taken out of me.

--Winston Churchill



He was a wise man who invented beer.




You can't be a real country unless you have a beer 

and an airline; 

it helps if you have some kind of a football team, 

or some nuclear weapons,

but at the very least you need a beer.

--Frank Zappa



Time is never wasted 

when you're wasted all the time.

--Catherine Zandonella



A woman drove me to drink 

and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

--W.C. Fields



Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill


Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

--His reply



If God had intended us to drink beer, 

He would have given us stomachs.

--David Daye



Work is the curse of the drinking class.

--Oscar Wilde



When I read about the evils of drinking, 

I gave up reading.

--Henny Youngman



Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

--Benjamin Franklin



If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, 

I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

--Deep Thought, Jack Handy



Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. 

Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, 

but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

--Dave Barry



The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

--Humphrey Bogart



Why is American beer served cold? 

So you can tell it from urine.

--David Moulton



People who drink lite beer don't like the taste of beer; 

they just like to pee a lot.

--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI



Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

--Kaiser Welhelm



I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

--Homer Simpson



Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and

oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital

ingredient in beer.

--Dave Barry



I drink to make other people interesting.

--George Jean Nathan



They who drink beer will think beer.

--Washington Irving



An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with

his fools.

--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway



You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

--Dean Martin



All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - 

so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

--Homer Simpson


submitted by Dewayne Morris of Clover, SC

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