Thoughts on Beer and Drinking


 

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. 

That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

--Ernest Hemmingway

 


 

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol 

than alcohol has taken out of me.

--Winston Churchill

 


 

He was a wise man who invented beer.

--Plato

 


 

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer 

and an airline; 

it helps if you have some kind of a football team, 

or some nuclear weapons,

but at the very least you need a beer.

--Frank Zappa

 


 

Time is never wasted 

when you're wasted all the time.

--Catherine Zandonella

 


 

A woman drove me to drink 

and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

--W.C. Fields

 


 

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

 

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

--His reply

 


 

If God had intended us to drink beer, 

He would have given us stomachs.

--David Daye

 


 

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

--Oscar Wilde

 


 

When I read about the evils of drinking, 

I gave up reading.

--Henny Youngman

 


 

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

--Benjamin Franklin

 


 

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, 

I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

 


 

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. 

Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, 

but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

--Dave Barry

 


 

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

--Humphrey Bogart

 


 

Why is American beer served cold? 

So you can tell it from urine.

--David Moulton

 


 

People who drink lite beer don't like the taste of beer; 

they just like to pee a lot.

--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

 


 

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

--Kaiser Welhelm

 


 

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

--Homer Simpson

 


 

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and

oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital

ingredient in beer.

--Dave Barry

 


 

I drink to make other people interesting.

--George Jean Nathan

 


 

They who drink beer will think beer.

--Washington Irving

 


 

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with

his fools.

--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

 


 

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

--Dean Martin

 


 

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - 

so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

--Homer Simpson

 


submitted by Dewayne Morris of Clover, SC


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