Thoughts on Beer and Drinking
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.
That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol
than alcohol has taken out of me.
He was a wise man who invented beer.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer
and an airline;
it helps if you have some kind of a football team,
or some nuclear weapons,
but at the very least you need a beer.
Time is never wasted
when you're wasted all the time.
A woman drove me to drink
and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
If God had intended us to drink beer,
He would have given us stomachs.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
When I read about the evils of drinking,
I gave up reading.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer,
I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,
but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Why is American beer served cold?
So you can tell it from urine.
People who drink lite beer don't like the taste of beer;
they just like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan
They who drink beer will think beer.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with
--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me -
so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
submitted by Dewayne Morris of Clover, SC
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